Asleep
by JacktheSinister JaketheJust
Summary: Enzo has always been Cass' everything, now he has to be the strong one and try to keep going when Enzo can't be with him. A request for the angstiest Cassamore one-shot possible, this is the result. Rated M for extreme angst and death.


**Disclaimer: T** **his is a work of pure fiction and does not in anyway depict the ideas, feelings, thoughts, or lives of those mentioned. I do not own anyone/thing mentioned as they are property of themselves as well as WWE.**

 **Note: I was sent a request on tumblr for the angstiest one-shot I could write for Cassamore and here it is! I certainly hope it fucks you up like you wanted theteleterrestrial and anyone else that's reading! Also, I mostly wrote this while listening to "Asleep" by The Smiths, (which is also where the lyrics are from) so I named it after that, but if you want that extra kick on angst play that and "You Said You'd Grow Old With Me" by Michael Schulte! Happy Reading! Enjoy! -JJ**

* * *

 _ **Asleep**_

" _Sing me to sleep,  
Sing to sleep,  
I'm tired and I  
I want to go to bed."_

Enzo laid in his bed, the thin sheets pulled up to his chest, his half lidded, dull blue eyes focused on the plain white ceiling. It was littered with photos of his friends and family, all the good times he wanted to think about before he went to sleep every night.

One was of him and his father at a wedding, both behind the DJ booth working their magic. Damn, he missed how funny his dad could be.

One of his grandmother and him posing. _I'm so sorry you won't get to see your great-grandkids G'ma._ He thought.

There were plenty of his god daughter smiling down at him, growing up from a precious baby into a beautiful young woman. _She'll be 12 next month._

A faint smile spread across his lips as he saw all the ones of him and his closest friends.

Kevin and Sami _Those two dumbasses_

Alexa and Baron _Motorcycles and pixie dust_.

Finn _the beaches will never be the same_.

Carmella _my girl, my sister_..

 _All of them… my rocks…._

But the ones that he held the most dear were in the middle. Him and Cass holding tag belts. Them at BBQ's. But his most favorite, the one he loved the most sat right in the middle. Him and Cass were probably around 16, both with short, buzzed hair and toothy smiles. Neither of them had a care in the world. It was a moment frozen in time. A time when things were so much easier.

Dark brows furrowed, his stomach beginning to churn once again. It had been upset for a while now, and he'd been using all his energy to keep from vomiting. He had hoped skipping dinner would've helped.

Slowly, he let out a tired breath, wanting nothing more than to close his eyes and fall into a deep sleep.

Except his eyes refused to close.

He was exhausted, his body achy and all too heavy. Everything around him spun, the walls and colors blurring together as he clung to consciousness.

"Knock knock." It came softly from the door, the same voice that always lit a fire in Enzo. The same voice that always gave him hope, even in the darkest of times. The same voice he loved so much.

"Hey Cass," Enzo returned weakly, looking over from his bed, his eyes instantly landing on the leopard print blanket the other man was carrying. Even with his eyes so blurred, he knew which blanket it was. "You ain't sleepin' in here wit' me again." It was soft, but firm, giving Cass no room to argue.

Cass only looked down and shrugged almost sheepishly. He'd hoped that Enzo would already be asleep. "Just wanna keep a good eye on ya's all," he explained with a smile, taking a seat next to Enzo on the bed. "But if you really don't want me to."

Enzo only slightly shook his head, his eyes closing for only a moment to keep from making Cass blurry. He wanted to see every detail of the other man perfectly. "You know you ain't gonna get any sleep on that couch," he muttered, forcing down another wave of nausea. His eyes squeezed shit, his teeth biting down his lips as he forced it to stay down. He waited for the feeling to pass, but didn't dare meet Cass' eyes. He didn't want to see the fear and worry in there in those blue eyes.

For a moment, the two of them sate in silence, neither knowing what to say.

"Hey, do me a favor?"

Cass nodded, forcing himself to smile. It was watery and hard, but he had to put on a brave face for Enzo. He had to be strong for him. "Anythin' for you 'Zo," he murmured, lifting his eyes so that he could meet Enzo's gaze. He knew the other man could hear the tears in his voice. "What's up?"

Enzo reached out for Cass' hand, tugging him in closer on the bed. It was weak, but he was happy that Cass seemed to understand exactly what he wanted and leaned in to press a kiss to his lips. It was soft, chaste, and filled with so much love that it caused Enzo's heart to ache. "Sing for me again?" he breathed, lifting one thin hand and running it through Cass' long blond hair. It was so soft, silk like between his fingers. "I ain't heard it in a long time."

Cass was a little shocked at the request, but finally nodded. He hadn't had much to really sing about lately. It was something he'd always done for fun, when he was happy, or excited, something he always did with Enzo around. Lately, being alone he didn't feel the want or need to.

He maneuvered himself on the bed until he was laying beside Enzo, one arm over the other man's chest while his other was tucked under his head, propping him up. He was trying to be careful, to keep from jarring any of the lines that were hooked up. He moved in and pressed a kiss to the side of Enzo's head, thinking that it was the only normal part of Enzo, feeling short bristles of hair against his lips. He thought, searching all of his memory for a song, one they both knew, one that would help raise their spirits and give them hope. Finally, he decided and started to softly sing, finding that his voice cracked and broke more times than he cared to count.

Enzo laid there, the deep voice soothing, like rich, smooth silk against his naked skin. It warmed his chest, chasing out the coldness that had settled. His eyelids finally shut and remained that way, suddenly too heavy for him to open them again. He felt so warm and safe curled up in Cass' side, his voice and scent all around him. In that moment, he was home. "Thank you Cass," he mouthed, drifting off into a peaceful slumber.

Cass barely finished, tears in his eyes as he held Enzo to him as tightly, yet carefully as he could. His own eyes were closed, refusing to open and let those bitter droplets fall. He couldn't let Enzo see him like that. He couldn't break down. Kissing Enzo's head one more time, he pulled back, letting his eyes crack open. He smiled, happy to see that Enzo had fallen asleep. He knew his eyes were glassy, one tear already burning its way down his cheek. "You're gonna be okay 'Zo," he whispered, his voice choppy and broken as he fully wrapped Enzo in his arms. "We'll beat this, just like we beat everythin' else."

* * *

4am is when Cass got the call.

He'd just fallen into a restless sleep, photos strewn all around his bed when he heard the phone. Fear seized his heart as he jerked awake, scattering the photos all over, many falling to the floor and he knew.

He _knew_.

Before he even looked at the number, he knew the news wouldn't be good. He clenched his teeth as he grabbed it and held it to his ear. His body was tense, his heart already breaking. Tears were running down his cheeks before he even heard the end of the short sentence. He didn't even say goodbye, just hung up right before he gulped down a few desperate breaths. It did nothing to stop the deep, heart wrenching, howling sob that shot up from his gut and ripped through his throat.

Moments later his door flung open, Carmella standing there in her pajamas, her honey colored eyes, filled with fear and tears, focused right on Cass as he continued to scream out that it was a lie, that he couldn't believe it. A hand covered her mouth, her own eyes closing as she tired to hold back her tears.

* * *

When Cass made it to the hospital half an hour later, his eyes were bloodshot and puffy, but dry. He walked up to the room they'd told him to go to. He stepped in, his heart pounding wildly in his chest. The room was quiet, so eerily quiet that it was completely deafening. There were no machines beeping, no gentle breathing, nothing but the sound of Cass' racing heart echoing around him.

His eyes scanned the room, finding that this one was empty, plain white and nothing like Enzo. A curtain hung around the bed, probably for Enzo's privacy, but Cass wasn't sure if he could reach for it and open it. He really didn't know if he had the strength in him.

His hand shook as it reached out and grabbed the thin, ugly fabric in his fist. He was waiting to hear Enzo's deep voice, for the smaller male to tell him to hurry up and open the damn thing. He was desperate to hear Enzo's laugh, saying that this was all just a terrible joke. He bit his lower lip. He just wanted Enzo.

"'Zo," he whimpered, the tears back and already falling hard. "Enzo!" He hiccupped, his other hand rising, just as shakily and grabbing the curtain. He couldn't… he just couldn't move it and know that he wouldn't be greeted by the man he loved on the other side.

Finally, after a few intense moments of telling himself he had to do it, he had to see Enzo before they took him to the funeral home, Cass eased the curtains back and peeked around into the dimly lit room. "I'm comin' in 'Zo," he said a little louder, his entire body starting to shake as he eased past the fabric.

Once he did, his entire body froze. There on the bed in front of him was Enzo. Cass' heart stopped as his eyes ran over his best friend, his brother, his lover, his everything. It hurt.

Enzo was laid on his back, his arms resting beside him with the sheets up to his chest. He really looked like he was just peacefully sleeping, something that he hadn't done in months. Under the sheet, his body was thin, far too thin. His face had grown gaunt, with only a light growth of beard on his hallowed cheeks. His hair had just started to really grow back in, all of it dark and short, much like he'd worn it in high school.

Cass took a careful step towards his lover, his jaw so tight his teeth ached. "Enzo," he whimpered, walking to the bedside and sitting on the very edge. "Hey," he breathed, cupping the cold cheek in his hand. It was a jarring difference, from the usual heat Enzo had always put out, a human furnace no cold as ice.

"We were gonna make it through this, remember?" He sucked in a shaky breath, his tears falling down onto the sheet. "You promised we'd kick this, we'd go back to wrestlin', we'd take those belts back." He tried hard to chuckle at the previous conversation they'd had where Enzo was very adamant about once he was in remission that they'd go right back to killing it on the main roster. Instead, the only sound the rumbled in his throat was choked and broken.

"You promised me forever Enzo," he tried again, a sob wracking through him. "You promised!" He turned and pushed his face into Enzo's unmoving chest, his arms grasping Enzo's shoulders as he cried, repeating over and over again that Enzo had promised.

He didn't know how long he laid there, just crying into Enzo's chest wishing that somehow those arms would wrap around him in comfort. But once the tears were dry and he could barely see from his eyes being so swollen, he began to sit up and look over the other man once again. "I love you 'Zo," he breathed, his brows knitting together as he tried to say everything he'd wanted to before. "I ain't say it last night when I left and I'm so sorry." He sucked in a harsh breath, one hand sliding up to trace over the beautiful features of his lover's face. "Why didn't you tell me? I wanted to be there with ya. Like we planned, remember? We were gonna be old. Old and wrinkly and so grey." He hiccupped, a weak chuckle bubbling up his throat from the memory of said conversation. "We were gonna make love one las' time and go together. Remember 'Zo…. Remember?"

* * *

Six months.

That's all it had taken for Cass' entire world to be turned upside down and shattered right in front of him. Enzo had gone in for a regular check up after a week of Cass hounding him about a cough that just wouldn't go away and how even going up the stairs would sometimes steal his breath away.

After weeks of tests and waiting, the diagnosis was lung cancer. Stage 2 but it was aggressive. They had to start treatment immediately.

Six months of radiation, of chemo, of severe weight loss, of crying and begging, and, of course, praying.

Six months of sleepless nights where Cass watched Enzo toss and turn in his sleep, watched him vomit even after only drinking water, watched him lose weight and his hair.

Six months of time and hope they tried so desperately to cling to. Six months where they tried to stuff as much laughter and love in as they could.

Six months where they lived as much and as normal as they could from the inside of a hospital room.

He laid Enzo to rest just like they'd always discussed. It had taken him and Carmella nearly a week to find someone that would custom make a leopard print suit for his viewing and visitation. Then he was cremated, just as he'd wished to be, in the same leopard print suit. Cass took a portion of his ashes and scattered them along the beach, their beach, the very one they'd promised themselves to each other on.

It hurt. All of it hurt so bad, but seeing the weightless ashes flutter away in the gentle breeze somehow warmed his heart. And for the first time since his death, Cass could _feel_ Enzo all around him. He could hear his laugh in the sudden gust that pushed him towards the water, feel the gentlest of his touches run through his loose hair. He felt all the love they had shared warm his unbearable cold and broken heart. "I love you 'Zo," he said, smiling wide as tears streaked down his face. He didn't even feel them as his eyes lifted to the sky. "Ya wait for me up there, kay? Imma meet ya up there." His watery smile started to falter. "Just watch over all 'a us baby boy."

* * *

" _Sing me to sleep  
Sing me to sleep  
I don't want to wake up  
On my own anymore"_

Finn sighed as he pushed open the apartment door. It was dark inside and he could smell the stink of alcohol. "Cass," he breathed, looking around to see that it wasn't beer cans strewn along the floor. This time it was heavy liquor bottles. "Cass…."

"G'way."

Finn shook his head, walking over to the couch and looking down at the pitiful sight of his friend. Cass laid there in just a pair of lounge pants, his body thinner than it should be, his beard grown out and hair a tangled mess. Dark circles marred the delicate skin under Cass' dull eyes. His skin had lost his vibrancy leaving him looking like a zombie. Enzo's favorite leopard print blanket laid beside him. "C'mon, you gotta get up and get dressed."

Cass shook his head, grabbing for his almost empty bottle of Jack. "Not today Finn," he slurred, cursing when he felt the bottle being yanked from his hand. "Please Finn, just lemme 'lone."

"Cass," Finn started, squatting down so they were eye level. He hated the way Cass looked, so haggard and tired. "You have to get up. Carmella's really looking forward to you being there with her today."

Cass shook his head again, his glossy, unfocused eyes moving towards the ceiling. A soft, almost reminiscent, smile touching his lips. His Carmella was picking out a wedding dress for her and Bayley's ceremony. He remembered when she was there helping him try on his tux for his and Enzo's wedding. His smile instantly dropped, tears filling his eyes. "I can't Finn," he breathed, drunkenly reaching out for his bottle. "I jus' can't."

Finn moved to sit on the edge of the couch, his eyes focused on the carpet. "Cass," he tried again, pausing to bring the bottle to his lips. He paused, his heart clenching before he took a swig and swallowed the burning amber liquor. "I know it still hurts. I know it's never gonna stop hurting, but you can't just let life pass you by. Enzo wouldn't want that."

"You don't know what Enzo would want!" Cass snapped, sitting up faster than he'd meant to only to fall back with the room spinning violently around him. His stomach protested and he barely held back the urge to vomit. "It jus' ain't fair. He left me. He lef' me here Finn…."

Finn couldn't ignore the breaking of his heart as he set the bottle on the end table and wrapped his arms around Cass in a comforting hug. "I know," he breathed, letting the bigger male cling to him and cry into his shoulder. "I know Cass."

Neither knew how long they laid there, but Finn was hyper aware of the way Cass' hand had slid under his shirt and his thumb was slowly, tenderly stroking over his ribs. "Cass," he murmured, hissing out when he felt the rough cheek stubble against his neck, soft lips following. He knew Cass was only seeking physical comfort, and too many times before he'd allowed himself to be used for such. He tried to ignore it, telling himself that he wasn't helping Cass in doing this, but the more Cass continued to paw at him, the less fight he had inside him. All too quickly, he gave in and let Cass hold him, all the while listening as Enzo's name was called out over and over again.

* * *

"He's not comin'."

Finn shook his head. She didn't sound too surprised but just the little twinge of pain in her voice gave it away that she was disappointed. "No," he confirmed, looking down at the floor and shoving his hands in his pockets.

Carmella's brow furrowed as she stood, her arms crossing over her chest as a sigh of disbelief and frustration rushed from her nose. "You two—"

Finn held up his hand to stop her, his guilty eyes focused on an invisible spot on the floor. "I already know," he breathed. "He just looks so pathetic and it's just something to help him. That's all it is."

Carmella shook her head, sucking her lower lip into her mouth and turned away. "It's your body Finn, but sex isn't helpin' him get off the couch and stop drinkin'."

Finn winced, biting his lips shut as he remembered laying on the couch with Cass' head on his chest right after they'd finished.

 _Finn laid there, his body aching from the rough tumble on the couch. Cass' head was on his chest, his soft breath tickling his skin as his fingers ran through greasy blond hair. He was silent, knowing that Cass was laying there thinking, regretting that once again he'd fallen so low._

" _I only see 'im when I sleep," Cass whispered, one arm sliding under Finn and holding him a littler closer. He just wanted to feel the other man's warmth and pretend like it was Enzo's. "I drink and I pass out an' he's there and we're happy again."_

 _Finn's chest tightened, his hand stilling at the base of Cass' neck. "Cass."_

 _Cass shook his head every so slightly. "I know it's him. It's not just me dreamin'," he explained, sighing as he pushed himself up and off of Finn. He refused to meet his eyes as he reached for his lounge pants and clumsily pulled them on. "An' bein' drunk… makes bein' awake hurt less."_

 _Finn sat up, grabbing his shirt from the floor and covering himself. "Cass, you can't keep livin' like this. It's not fair to you," he tried, standing and walking after Cass started back towards the bedroom. "Cass, listen to me!" He froze, Cass turning to him, those blue eyes cold and lifeless._

" _Get out! Don't come back here," Cass hissed, pointing towards the door._

 _Finn swallowed hard, his eyes falling to the floor as he desperately tried to find the words he needed. "Cass," he started again, holding up his free hand, his other still covering himself with his shirt. "I know it's not fair, but you're just throwing your life away!" He barely finished before he was socked in the jaw. It was sloppy and he was somewhat glad that Cass was drunk or else he would've lost a couple of teeth._

" _Get out!" Cass yelled, stumbling over and grabbing Finn's shoulder, pushing him towards the couch to gather his clothes. "Imma get a shower and if you aren't fuckin' gone by the time I get out, you'll regret it."_

Finn shook his head again. "The only thing that's gonna help him stop drinking is Enzo," he murmured, his hand rising to rub his slightly sore jaw.

* * *

" _Don't feel bad for me  
I want you to know  
Deep in the cell of my heart  
I really want to go"_

Carmella knocked on the door again for the third time. She was worried about Cass. She hadn't seen or heard from him in almost two weeks and today was a day she didn't want him to be alone, knowing that it was going to be hard for the other man. "Cass!" she called from the door, knocking again. "C'mon babe, I know you're in there, jus' let me in. I don't care if it's a mess." She knew he'd been more than a little ashamed that he'd let the entire apartment fall into disarray after Enzo's passing, and she'd come over on more than a few occasions to help him clean or bring him groceries.

"He answer for you?"

Carmella jumped, turning towards the meek voice. Once she saw that it was Finn she shook her head. "No," she breathed, looking down at her hands. "You tried earlier?"

Finn nodded, digging into his pocket and pulling out a silver key. "Enzo gave me this about a week before—" His words suddenly dropped off. Even after almost four months he still couldn't say it out loud that his best friend was gone. "Just in case."

Carmella nodded, moving to the side so that Finn could unlock the door and push it open. "Cass!" she called, pushing past him into the cool apartment. She froze on the doorstep, Finn crashing into the back of her.

The entire place was clean, almost sparkling clean. The furniture was bare and the upholstery looked like it had been freshly shampooed. Even the sweet stench of Windex and wildflowers filled the air. Any other time, it would've just looked like Cass went on a cleaning spree, but looking around the room, Carmella noticed that the pictures were taken off the walls, the knick knacks and memorabilia was taken from the built in shelves next to the flat screen television. Boxes were piled in the corner of the room, Cass' neat scrawl labeling each one. The sight was unnerving.

"Do you think he's moving?" Finn asked, moving further into the apartment, his heart lurching once he read the black sharpie on the boxes. They weren't for rooms, they were for people. "Carmella?"

Carmella felt it. She knew something wasn't right. She hurried to the coffee table, barely noticing the white piece of paper with Cass' cell phone weighing it down. Shakily, she reached for it and gasped, tears filling her eyes as she shoved the note into Finn's hands and ran for the door.

* * *

Cass sat on the beach, bottle of unopened Jack in one hand, a bottle of sleeping pills in the other. His eyes were focused on the water, a distant, yet radiant smile on his lips. He'd showered and shaved and put on his nicest set of jeans he owned and Enzo's favorite T-shirt. The water was in low tide, leaving plenty of room between him and the edge of the ocean as the waves lapped at the shore.

He was enjoying the warm breeze against him, the warmth of the setting sun sinking into his skin. He took in the reds and oranges streaked across the sky and for a moment, he didn't feel alone. "Happy anniversary baby boy," he said, dropping the bottle of pills beside him and opening the bottle of Jack. He took a heavy drink and hissed at the way it burned all the way down.

He set the bottle down and laid back on the sand, watching as the sky grew a little darker. He closed his eyes and listened to the waves as they eased up the shore line, the melody of the birds and the rustling of leaves in the breeze. He was the most relaxed he'd been in a long time and he was enjoying the quiet.

He laid there for almost an hour before he sat up and opened his eyes. The sun had set and the sky was quickly growing purpler as it transitioned into night. He reached for the bottle of pills and poured roughly half of them into his fist. He looked down at them, a sad, watery smile on his lips. "I'm sorry 'Zo, I know this is pathetic, but it jus' ain't right without ya here," he explained softly, letting the round white tablets tumble around in the palm of his hand before he popped them all into his mouth and took a long swig of Jack to wash them down. "Ya waitin' on me like I asked?"

Cass watched as the sky grew to its darkest, his vision going blurry as he tried to make out the bright stars. He was getting tired, his body heavy. He held the bottle of tablets to his mouth and flung his head back, the remaining ones landing on his tongue before he took another large drink and swallowing them down. "I'll be with ya pretty soon baby boy," he breathed, dropping the nearly empty bottle of Jack beside him, uncaring that that he was wasting the last bit of alcohol, the empty pill bottle following.

He stood to unsteady feet, smiling as he looked down to see that the tide was coming back in. Slowly, he walked to the edge of the beach, letting the water wash over his shoes, soaking them and his socks. "I dressed up for the occasion," he chuckled, smiling out into the open ocean. He started to walk out into the warm water, the gentle waves lapping at his body, making it feel even warmer and more relaxed.

"Cass!"

Cass was almost chin deep, but the slurred voice caught his attention. He turned, barely able to make out the blurry figures on the beach. It was Carmella and Finn, Carmella already at the waters edge while Finn was running behind her. "I'm sorry," he murmured, walking backwards another step.

"Cass, don't do this!" Carmella yelled, tears streaming down her beautiful face as she tried to get out to the bigger man. "CASS!"

Cass felt the water pulling him out, his body weak against the current. His heart gave a pained lurch at her continued pleading. He didn't want to see Carmella cry, but this was all he could do. He couldn't keep disappointing her. He couldn't keep hurting and using Finn.

His eyes felt even heavier. How else could he make them understand that he was just _tired_. He wanted to go. He wanted to be with Enzo again.

A tear slid down his cheek as he held up his hand, just high enough out of the water for the two to see him wave a goodbye. He smiled, unable to feel or hear anything but the warm rush of water as the next wave washed over his head, submerging his entire body and whisking him away into the darkness of the ocean.

* * *

(A/N): I'm not really sure what to say here. I really enjoyed working on this just because I'm an angst whore and I adore writing it. And I certainly hoped I fucked you up theteleterrestrial! Thank you for asking me to write this! Until next time!

JacktheSinister_JaketheJust


End file.
